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Somewhere, Mordred is Laughing

Today’s strip is going to murder my bandwidth. XD Text does not compress well. Heh…*stares at bandwidth* Please don’t go over…

Anyway, yes! Camlann has returned. You all missed him didn’t you? Didn’t you? Ha ha ha ha. Camlann let me give you a REAL wall of text. HA!

Sorry, writing all that text nearly killed me and it’s barely legible. XD *continues digging own grave* Enjoy! And I really like Wiglaf in today’s strip – if only because he got to smirk evilly. It suits him.

EDIT: Since somebody has asked for it twice now, below the cut is Camlann’s speech from above if you’re interested. Have fun! (And to answer Blackford – It took about 30 minutes to write that.)

And Camlann spoke: “I can not believe you left me in that sheath for so long! It’s an outrage for a sword of my caliber! I served kings for goodness sake in my prime! And I’ll have you know that sheaths don’t breathe! I was suffocating in there! So help me when I get myself properly sorted out you’re all going to get such a lashing! I demand a polishing followed by proper apologies. Yes, and oh~ who’s that lovely lady over there? Such a dainty flower fresh for the picking…sorry, I lost track. That’s right – I’m still pissed off at the lot of you! Not only was I stuffed into a sheath, but you had the nerve to send me via the post back home! THE POST! I was thrown around in baggage like a commoner’s possession! It was humiliating. Utterly humiliating. And then, to make things even worse, once I felt I was free from the prison of the postal community- I was slung on this lug’s waist belt and left to hang lifelessly. And it’s not like he ever USES me. Mission after mission, saves life after life and he doesn’t bother looking for heroic deeds that involve a sword. He has a freaking magic, wonderful, sword and he doesn’t use it. Surely he could have found a dragon? And now that he finally decides to give me some air, he wants me to fight such a strikingly beautiful lady. It’s insulting, that’s what it is. And to think I actually thought this guy was worthy of my supreme greatness. Sure, he’s gorgeous, intelligent, strong, limber, and has abs of steel – but how great can he be if he ignores me? All that trouble to get something and you’d think they’d use it more often. Maybe I should’ve stuck with the guy in the scarf. He’s evil and has a bad luck spree the size of Mount Everest but at least he had plans and ambitions. Though, he did agree to ship me through the post…so I guess I’m mad at him too! It’s just not fair. I deserve better than this! At least we’re not out in the woods any more. I was dying surrounded by all that nature and bugs. I spent a good hundred years in a lake in the middle of the woods. This sword’s had all the nature it can take. Is it so much to ask for a good buffing and cleaning? Or maybe a visit to a sharpening stone, not that I ever get dull of course, but it still feels good. Like a massage, only better. Where’s my pampering? Or at least display! If you’re going to just leave me be and not even bother with my wondrous power and impressive feats, than one would at least believe they could put me up on display and show off. I’m an antique! A prized collector’s item that has been fought over for centuries upon centuries. And I was shipped like a common household set of knives. What fools have stumbled upon me? Couldn’t I have been taken from the lake by a real man? Someone who appreciates my beauty, poise and grace. Grace? Wasn’t that the name of that cute little number over there? No, getting distracted again. That rapier’s not even magic; wouldn’t do for conversation in the least. And that gets me to another issue – these two numbskulls don’t even try to hold a conversation with me! Centuries of knowledge and history under my belt (so to speak) and they don’t even bother to say hello. Would it kill them to chat for a moment? Granted, I’m not sure how stimulating the conversation would be anyway when comparing those two nimrods to my own stunning intellect…but as they say, beggars truly can’t be choosers. If I want any sort of mental stimulation I’ll have to dumb myself down to their level and try and force more information into their tiny heads. Leaving me, Camlann, alone in a sheath or what? A month? Two months? Whatever it was it felt as though I was trapped for an eternity. Just that little time in that blasted sheath made my hundred years in a lake seem like a quick Sunday nap. Now that would be nice, a nap. Yes- that would be the perfect revenge. I’ll just call it a day and leave you hanging. Ha! How’s them apples? You should have used me earlier instead of letting me go to waste. Now that you need me you shall receive nothing. And in abundance no less! Won’t that be nice? A sword fight with no sword. Rather hilarious if you ask me. Hey, are you even listening to me? Is anyone? Stop covering your ears and talking to each other! When the wise old sword uses its powers to grant you it’s knowledge and experience the least you can do is listen and give it the time of day! What sort of rude individuals are you two? And that red head over there is no better, I see. Just look at him loosely holding that sword; should he drop it I’ll let out some serious wrath. A lady should always be treated well. And you’re still not listening to me. I think I shall go through with my plan! Ha! I’ll turn off all of my powers and then you’ll be left to your own devices. Never mind you’ve always won by your own strength in the past – yes, I do know all about you all! I’m practically omnipotent in my knowledge- but you won’t know what you’re missing until I forsake you. You’ll rue the day you treated me like some children’s toy. I the great Camlann will not stand any longer for this treatment or do I have to repeat myself? Cargo. I was treated as cargo. I was ignored and I find that as horrible mistreatment. Not to mention lonely inside that damn sheath. I couldn’t even talk or give my opinion on the world around me. Do you know what it’s like to hear a conversation and not be able to take part? To share your wisdom and make things turn out for the better? I have that power gosh darn it! I do! This is truly inexcusable behavior. I expected so much better when you found me on that mountain top. Oh, how sad that I might long for the day that Iw as still trapped in a lake. Yeah, I think I was better off in the lake than with you two! Or now is it three? I forget ther’s just so many of you damn rats that I can’t keep track. But that’s not the point. The point is I am great and shoudl be treated as such. I was an object of worship long ago in my glory days. Sure you don’t believe me, but it was true. Oh how I miss it. Just give me time and I’ll show you two just what i’m made of. or maybe I shouldn’t. I really don’t think that you deserve my affections after all this. That’s right, you don’t…”